If you ever
by Jessica12
Summary: L/L A party and THE KISS :)----This is my first Gilmore Girls fanfic so please review,,,


Title: If you ever  
Author: Jessica  
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se   
Disribution:Where ever...just let me know where   
Spoilers: None  
Rating: PG  
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se  
Pairing: Lorelai/Luke  
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS. Poem by Jewel Kilcher,  
taken from "a Night without armor".   
Summary: A party, a kiss....OH..JUST READ IT!;)  
AUTHORS NOTE: This is my first ever Gilmore Girl's fanfic..  
so be kind. I have written several X-files fanfic but never this.   
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar  
mistakes may occur.  
  
_________________________________  
  
"I guess what I  
wanted was  
to hear  
  
you'd stay with me always.  
  
I guess what I  
wanted was  
to see  
  
those hands vowing   
never to leave my own.  
  
I guess what  
I wanted was  
to know  
  
I am not loving in vain."  
_________________________  
  
If you ever.  
by: Jessica  
  
  
I watch her from a distance.  
I don't want to intrude in her world.  
I want to linger here for a while just watching this angel.  
She moves my circles.  
How did this happen?  
How did I fall in love with her?  
My heart is beating faster as I move closer to her,  
coffeepot in my hand.  
She draws me in.  
I feel myself fall.  
My walls crumble as she smiles and say my name.  
In my ear a voice is screaming to tell her the truth.  
But I won't listen.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
I can feel his eyes one me.  
Or is it just my imagination?  
He keeps his distance.  
Sometimes it feels like we move in circles.  
Who is this man that fascinates me so?  
Did I really know him at all?  
All I know is that I need him.  
But sometimes when his hand brushes mine by accident  
I feel my heart skip a beat.  
And that scares me.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Luke's apartment, night  
  
It's raining outside.   
The sound of the rain against my window calms my beating heart.  
I can't sleep.  
Her face is before me.  
Is this heaven or hell?  
I have tried to shut her out of my head and heart.  
I have failed.  
She's one of my best friends.  
I don't know how this happened.  
But she managed to break down my defensives.  
She pierced through the brick wall I had built around my heart.  
I build the wall higher after Rachel left.  
I was untouchable.  
Unbreakable.  
I vowed to never let anyone in.  
Only heartache can come of it.  
I have gotten my heart broken so many times to last me a lifetime.  
But somehow she managed to warm my frozen heart.  
This angel, this wild-child, has the ability to make me feel   
like I could fly.  
Am I going crazy?  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
The following day.  
  
I walked through the front door the diner just before closing time.   
Luke was behind the coffee and our eyes meet when he looked up.  
"Coffee?"  
"What else?"  
I sat down at my favorite table.  
"Bad day?"  
He gave me a cup of steaming, hot, coffee.  
I smiled and took a sip. I hadn't the strength to give some smart   
remark. I just wanted to sleep for days.  
"Yes. You might say that."  
"Want to talk?"  
He sat down opposite me and looked at me.  
I rubbed my tired eyes and looked at him.  
"No. It's okay. I'm just tired."  
"Where's Rory?"  
"She's packing. She'll go visit her father over the weekend."  
"Oh..I'll see."  
I smiled. He knew me by heart.  
"Yeah. I'll be alone. I hate this!"  
"You'll be fine."  
He reached out and took my hand.  
I found myself tremble under his touch.  
This was nothing like the Luke Danes I knew.  
But I liked it.  
"Yes. I know. I'm like a cat. I always land on my feet."  
He laughed and let go of my hand. I was already missing his touch.  
He rose.  
"Hey, Luke..."  
"Yeah."  
"Have you heard about this Christmas party Taylor and the   
others are throwing? It's this Saturday. He has rented the Inn for  
the big party. The whole town is invited."  
"Yes. I heard something about that. Taylor was in here yesterday   
giving me the message that I was invited."  
"Are you going?"  
"I don't know. I don't think so. Are you?"  
"Oh..Its dinner and dancing. I might...It beats sitting home watching  
TV."  
ASK HIM! ASK HIM!!!  
Our eyes met. I looked into Luke's eyes and saw something there I   
couldn't name. My mouth couldn't move, wouldn't move to tell him  
the words.  
What if he said no?  
I had always been bold when it came to men.   
I was never afraid of asking.  
But this was different.  
This was Luke.  
My friend.  
Friends.  
I pushed that thought aside and said:  
"Maybe we see each other there then?"  
"Yeah, maybe."  
He walked away from me.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
The silence of the diner calms my beating heart.  
I turn the lights off and walk upstairs to my apartment.  
I sit down in a chair by the window.  
It has finally begun to snow.  
Her face is before me.  
Haunting me.  
Tormenting me.  
I know that I should stop fighting.  
I can't have her.  
Stop dreaming.  
Foolish heart.  
Sometimes I wish I didn't care about her.  
It would be so easy if I just could stop loving her.  
But I can't.  
I have tried, believe me.  
But it's no use.  
I have even tried to tell her.  
But I can see it in her eyes that she doesn't want to hear it.  
So I'm here nursing this heart of mine.  
But still I'm hoping for a sign.   
Like today.  
She came tonight and moved my world like never before.  
She gave me hope again.  
I'll go to this party and I'll win her heart.  
But if I fail I know one thing.  
At least I have tried.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
The next evening.  
The Inn  
  
I could feel him before I saw him.   
I knew that he was close.   
I don't know how.   
I just knew.  
My heart was racing my chest.  
This was crazy.  
It was Luke.  
My friend.  
He was standing in the doorway to the ballroom dressed in a   
nice tuxedo.   
He had even shaved.  
He looked handsome.   
He looked irritated.  
I couldn't help but smile.  
  
She was standing in the middle of the room dressed in a black,   
sleeveless dress.  
Her hair seemed to glow in the light from the candles.  
Our eyes meet and it felt like my heart stopped.  
She was so beautiful.  
Perfect.  
Untouchable.  
She walked over to me.   
I couldn't take my eyes of her.  
"So..Luke Danes in a tux. I never thought I live to see the day.  
You clean up nice Mr. Danes."  
"You too."  
We stood there for a while watching the people on the dance floor.  
Taylor had managed to turn the Inn's ballroom into a beautiful spot   
for a party.   
There even was a band.  
She spoke first.  
"So what made you change your mind?"  
"I had nothing else to do. And you?"  
"I had nothing else to do."  
I laughed.  
She had the ability to make me smile.  
"Has Rory left?"  
"Yes. This afternoon. Christopher came to get her."  
"When will she be back?"  
"On Christmas Eve."  
Silence.  
I stood there afraid to move.  
I was actually nervous.  
But she had that affect over me.  
She moved my world.   
The band started to play "The way you look tonight".  
She looked at me and said:  
"Luke, dance with me..."  
She moved closer.   
I wanted to run.   
I knew if she touched me I would crumble.   
Trapped.  
She took my hand and led me to the dance floor.  
My hands trembled as she moved even closer to me.  
I placed a hand around her waist and pulled her closer.  
I have never been a good dancer.  
But I didn't care.  
I was dancing with her.  
Lorelai.  
  
I placed my head against his chest and let my mind wander.  
I didn't care what was right and proper.   
For once in my life I really listened to my heart.  
It felt so nice to be held.   
I felt so safe in his arms.  
Luke.  
Hero.  
My savior.  
He had done so many things for Rory and me.  
I could never repay him.  
I didn't know where to start.  
He had always been there for me.  
He had put up with me.  
He made me smile.  
Friend.  
I have to remember that.  
Friend.  
Nothing else.  
But still I dream.  
  
She felt weightless in my arms.   
But she fit so perfectly.  
I didn't want to let go of her.  
It felt like my heart was ready to explode in my chest.  
I didn't know how to stop loving her.  
I wished I had the strength to tell her the truth.  
But I couldn't.  
I couldn't do that to her.  
I wanted to be loved by her.  
Foolish heart.  
Our eyes met.  
I wanted to drown in her.  
Falling.  
I thought I was stronger than this.  
I was wrong.  
Maybe this was wrong.  
My body screamed out for her.  
I wanted this.  
I needed this.  
I lowered my mouth to her wanting to taste her.  
My mind went blank as soon as our lips met.  
I ran my tongue, tracing her lips, inviting her   
to let me in.   
Heaven.  
  
I shivered in his arms.  
I wanted this.  
I wanted him.  
I needed him.  
He opened my mouth with his tongue.  
As our tongues met all sanity was lost.  
Desire ate at my heart.  
I didn't care about what was right and proper.  
I wanted him.  
All of him.  
Luke.  
  
I never thought there could be a heaven on earth.   
But I finally knew the truth.   
She was like magic in my arms.  
I thought I could push her out of my heart.   
It is impossible.   
I needed her like the air.   
She was a part of me.   
I closed my eyes and let my senses guide me as I   
let myself go deeper.  
  
Finally we parted.  
I stood there looking into the eyes of the woman   
I loved.  
I couldn't speak.  
I was afraid to move.  
I was still holding her.  
She spoke first.  
"Wow."  
Her lips were red after my kisses.  
I could still taste her.  
My voice was hoarse as I spoke:  
"Yeah, wow...."  
It seemed like the world had stopped.  
I hadn't even noticed that the music had stopped along   
time ago.  
I took her hand in mine and looked at her.  
Beauty.  
"Come..."  
She never hesitated.  
We walked out of the ballroom and the Inn.  
  
It had snowed during the evening and painted our world in white.  
We stood along time outside the Inn.  
His hand in mine.  
I was afraid to move.  
I couldn't speak.  
I was afraid of ruining this moment.  
The stars had come out to play.  
He let go of my hand and wrapped his arms around me.  
"Are you warm enough?"  
"Getting there.."  
He let me go.  
I was already missing his arms around me.  
He walked down the stairs to the Inn. He stopped at the bottom of   
the stairs and looked at me.   
"Are you coming?"  
"Where are we going?"  
"Anywhere."  
I smiled.  
I could see myself in his eyes. I could see promises for the future.  
He reached out his hand and I took it gladly.  
We started to walk towards town.   
His hand in mine.  
Together.  
Maybe one day I will tell him what is in my heart.  
But until then.  
I will cherish this moment.  
Forever.  
  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
* This was my first Gilmore girl's fanfic. So please review!   
Feedback YES PLEASE:::::j_rothen@yahoo.se 


End file.
